His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Randomize
