My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
