It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
