I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
