White coat. Heels.
I need to stop coming to work sober
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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