Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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