How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
