never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Randomize
