you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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