I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Randomize
