finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
