Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
