Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize
