I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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