You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
