Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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