her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
