If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
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