Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
