Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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