I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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