Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
