just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
