they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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