how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
