I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
