Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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