for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
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