In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
