so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
BRING THE BAGELS
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Randomize