Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Randomize
