Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
