I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
How external is "for external use only"?
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
