Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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