I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
