she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Randomize
