in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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