You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
