your parents love me but you hate me
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
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