I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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