they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
