I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Randomize
