i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
