Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I love you. Go after that dick
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize
