ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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