You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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