My hand turned me down
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
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