All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
