I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
