dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
please don't ironically join a cult
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