Pappa wants mamma naked
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
