i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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