I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Randomize
