Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Randomize
