I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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