I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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