it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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