i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
