Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
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