shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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