You're earring is so big in my mouth
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
