She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
