last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
