im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
