If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
