If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
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