The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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