Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
