The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize