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In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
